Confessions of Mommy

Before Easter gets here, I realized that now is a good time to wipe my parental slate clean with a few… well, confessions.

These aren't the big confessions, the ones that carry criminal fines or require significant time in pews. These are Mommy Confessions. Crimes which, in the big book of Good Universal and Loving Parenting (known as GULP), carry niggling guilt sentences of 20 years.

This is the perfect time of year to face those little crimes, wipe the slate clean and restore our self-esteem in our parenting ability for at least a week. By merely admitting to these little missteps, you too can go Mommy Guilt-free just in time!

In the spirit of self-sacrifice, I'll go first. Here are my 10 Mommy confessions for spring.

1) I have tricked my children. I have taken advantage of my child's inability to count to get her to eat six more bites instead of two more.

2) I have threatened my children with punishments I never intended to carry out. I never intended to not go to Grammy's house, even if they poured syrup on each other and rolled in bark mulch.

3) I have agreed to things only because I was relatively sure they'd forget about it later or lose interest. I was secretly hoping against having to go to the top of that really big slide in Landa Park since that was the day I decided to wear a skirt and heels. (I see Paris! I see France! Do they still sing that song?)

4) I have wished my children were older, if only because I didn't want to here those five little words shouted in the middle of a quiet library again: I HAVE TO GO POTTY!

5) I have wished my children were younger, so that I could carry them to bed without getting a hernia.

6) I have ignored the first yell for Mommy, hoping they'd find a way to work it out with each other if I just stayed out of sight. Note to self: crouching behind the couch is a lousy hiding technique.

7) I have banned certain children's television programs from our household from the day they were born lest I have to listen to Barney's "I Love You" song.

8) I have gotten my children hooked instead on songs from my favorite musicals, even though Les Miserables is not exactly the most child appropriate Broadway show.

9) I have pulled out the cookies in a desperate bid to get my child to eat, lest she evaporate, despite the fact that she says she isn't hungry and probably isn't.

10) I have explained that I'm too big to fit inside the fast food playscape even though I can squeeze in there if I exhale fully and practice some of the more advanced yoga moves.

There. I feel much better now. Now it's your turn. Fess up. I can guarantee you'll feel better and from what I've heard, the Easter Bunny is very forgiving of these things.

At least I hope so. I love those chocolate eggs.