Baskets. Why did it have to be baskets.

The Ever Filled Basket

We live in an era where laundry is as easy to do as it’s ever been. No more rocks, no more icy streams, no more making soap from animal fat.

Now if we could just get the laundry out of the basket.

In our house, the gravitational pull of the laundry basket is so strong that it draws in every item of clothing, no matter what its condition.

Here’s what happens: Laundry is done. Items are folded and baskets of items are distributed to the individuals who, theoretically, will wear them.

The items rest in the basket, awaiting transportation to one of six drawers, which are about eight inches away from said basket.

The items wait.

And wait.

Then, somehow, an item that is not clean gets placed on top of the clean items. It’s usually a sock. When discovered, great consternation breaks out and the offending sock is exiled to the dirty basket, most often without its mate which is under the bed at this point, cowering in fear of the rinse cycle (where most socks meet their doom).

Half the clean items in the basket then make the move of eight inches and are put away in drawers when the individual is threatened with banishment. The other half of the clean items remain behind in the basket, part of the negotiated settlement given the late hour and the amount of homework remaining.

Then after piano practice, sign ups for volleyball, and a mad rush for school, more dirty items end up in the previously clean basket. Time passes. The cry rises for clean socks and t-shirts.

All of which creates the following questions I’d love to get a few answers to:

1. How long does it take for dirty clothes to permeate the clean clothes? Is it a matter of weight, percentage of basket volume, or does it depend on the type of dirt on the dirty clothes?
2. Are the items at the bottom most layer of the basket still, technically, clean?
3. If you can shake off the fuzz, is that good enough?
4. If you’re just going outside to jump on a trampoline or swing on the swingset, can you wear items that your mother swore she was throwing out the next time she saw them?
5. And, lastly, when an individual clearly fails to place items in his or her drawer, should they then be called a basket case?

Let me know. I’ll be in the laundry room, trying to find my jeans.